Help Chronic Pain

Question:

I had such a HUGE HEADACHE yesterday, that I cancelled my plans and stayed in bed & did laundry. I think it was a weather front that went through and it deposited some bad air through my windows. I cleaned the top of my refridgerator because I kept breaking out into severe coughing whenever I’d walk past it. It was very dirty, and hadn’t been cleaned in 5 years. Then I found my ionizers were not functioning for one reason or another, so I reset those to "ON" and installed one on top of the refridgerator, and turned on my two Ozone emitters (one on my fridge and one in my bedroom). I went to bed at 3 am last nite, and now I’m up 6 hours later feeling refreshed, and the air doesn’t seem to be attacking me right in my lungs as harshly. I may even go outdoors and do something before the snow flies again today (it was in the 60’s the past few days).

Response:

Exactly one year after our very first gig, we’re invited back to the same fund-raising party. Wish us luck. all the best Katie "come on and be my little good luck charm uh huh huh you sweet delight.. I wanna good luck charm a hangin’ offa my arm, to have, to hold, tonight!"

Response:

Hi Katie, (Warning: This is a kinda long post) I’ve become a vegatable. I think I’m either broccoli or an artchoke. Can’t be sure yet. I do nothing, not laundry or "music". I practice daily but do nothing. I’m learning to hate myself as well. That way I can become a member of  the club, acquire a feeling of belonging. HOWEVER!!!! Guess what? An old friend’s wife has gone home to help deal with a family medical problem and he wrote me an e-mail. Trick is we can team up while she’s away. He was a manager/promoter back in the old days of Be-ins, flower power and Love ins. And he wants to take me out to some open mikes and similar events. So this coming episode to the Damo Saga may help me get my feet back on the ground. This is the same friend who had taken me to those first open mike nights when I was living on the farm. During my early "Beginnings" of my return to music. That was the time, when I was posting here, that I played under the name of "Damo" and shared here about each event. That when I realized I was better then a great percentage of fellow gituar players. These days , of course,  I have no apprehension nor great fears about standing up in front of people with my gituar. Knock on wood. Its almost impossible for me to consider doing this sort of thing on my own. I feel like if people don’t go with me that there is something sad happening. Hopefully, after a few open mike nights and whatevers with my friend, I’ll have another platform in my heart. I seem to have lost it, or used it for winter firewood. With this very timely good fortune and good friend perhaps I’ll find another piece of firm ground within my heart to get back up and continue. See my friend was waiting for his wedding day and that was really the way back first germination of my return to performance, outside of the traditional party circuit I have played since the sixties, on again and off again. Yeah he was my right hand as I restablished my self, to myself, as being capable of facing a crowd. And also to begin updating my repetoire and defining myself as an onstage persona. This hadda have been back in Early 2000 or late 1999. I still had the farm. And I had just come on line as well at that time. I remember I would reflect on the group here at Alt Sz and nod to myself in affirmation that I was doing it in the name of all here who have …."social apprehensions"? It was a really big thing for me to do. I would fear the performer ahead of me, and I would fear the one behind me. And I would fear that I would have no influence or attention or too much attention from the audience. I would reflect on alt sz, my support group, to reinforce me in those earlier times. This was back before Mr MaD left, he was the establishing Father and Founder of alt sz I believe. (You recall he said the group had perverted its original intent and he split?) This was before I ever imagined dealing with CDs too… Yeah I would reflect for an instant before I looked out and stood in front of the mike. Alt sz was an immense support at that time. These days I just reflect on the various cars and trucks that drive past my window and try to add up messages from the names of various businesses writen on the trucks. WoW Good you picked up a an "as usual" gig. That will be like my "traditional" party gigs. And chances are the same crowd will be there for you as well. This is a wonderful establishing situation for you all. It all adds up to good times. Of course my goal is to go up river where all the hokes live and where the best gituar talent pool exsists. Go play with the big kids these days. No fear. There’s a nice open mike up there, no nutso heavy strumming pretensions college boys there. All good talent. Problem is its limited to only something four minutes then they turn off your electricity and the M.C. struts out. EXCELLENT stage. They get big name acts there. And I have a few other ideas where my friend and I can go and profile for the "locals". My advice for your gig? Dress up the audience. Like this…. Have someone moving around with a camera and taking pictures of the performance. Why not? Make it an act. The audience will see this. Second simple advice on how to dress the audience? Even if its only a cassette recorder, record it and inform the people that the event is being recorded. Reference the recording during the event. "The recorder running?" "Any distortion going on the burner/recorder?" Just small rrferences like that. The audience will respond well to such gentle strokings. Remember they will likely be much of the same crowd as last year. And of course, from ole Damo, Hugs to you and the others and certainly you have been and will be, well received. My idiom number 273A: They want to believe you are good and they want to have a good time. Don’t interfere with that. Bye Damo

Response:

Thanks Damo for the advice. I really like the last bit: "they want to believe you’re good… don’t interfere" Priceless. I feel like a vegetable a lot too and I *do* laundry, but that’s part of the problem. Sometimes it seems like that’s *all* I do. And I get to hating myself often too. I once read that there’s nothing more crazy-making than hating yourself. That sounded true to me. Probably we expect too much of ourselves. And then there’s something like the gig we had last night and I feel okay for a while. I had a good time. The part I like best is the teamwork feeling (we’re 12 people onstage). But then, as usual, I realize that the sound isn’t all that great and all the effort I’m making to sing well isn’t even being heard and I get disappointed and lose all my energy. Today I have a major headache though and I don’t even drink alcohol. I sit there and watch everybody else downing incredible amounts and I’m the one who ends up with the hangover. (since I’ve had fibromyalgia that is). I hope the thing works out with your old friend. Katie <damod…@webtv.net> a